Hypothermia

It is getting late for a post, but a post I shall do.  After work today my wife and I took the car, Mr. Anderson is its name (it's a Matrix), and headed to her parents for thanksgiving.  The trip was full of traffic, almost getting destroyed by a transport that barely switched lanes before testing Mr Anderson's crumple zones, more traffic and the jams thereof, near emergency bodily functions, and a bad case of clutch foot from all of the stop and go traffic.

Battling through the traffic there was one moment of awkwardness.  Aggravated by the lack of progress made on the 401 I found myself audibly saying, ‘roar.’  When it appeared that my declaration was not yielding any tangible results, I apparently shouted, ‘mega roar!’  Sadly, it was not just to an audience of my wife, as my window was down due to some digestive fisticuffs between my intestine and a Spicy Chicken Sandwich from that redheaded fast food vixen.  The car beside my had their window down as well (I don’t know what their reasoning was, perhaps it was a gas related courtesy to the other passengers) and took in my exclamation.  I was left to ponder all that had transpired.

 
Essentially, the drive left me tired and all empty inside so I will review a movie that left me feeling the same way.

When Netflix discovered that I am a fan of horrors and B-movies, it kept insisting that I check out a movie called, Hypothermia.  I kept meaning to get around to it, putting it off and procrastinating.  One Saturday there was a huge purge on Netflix, as they were pulling a lot of great titles from their line up and I felt the urge to binge watch to make sure none of the gems slipped through my fingers.  Instead of picking a movie like Das Boot I chose Hypothermia, a movie that was not included in the purge.  After watching it, my desire to binge view movies had disappeared.  I may not have even stomached another movie for a few days.

When the film started I got the sense that this could actually be a quality film as director James Felix McKenny (the man who brought the world intriguing titles such as CanniaBallistic! and Satan Hates You) used interesting shots to establish a mood of isolation and the danger attached to that.  Though perhaps I should get to the plot, because I may have already gone over all of the positive points of the movie.

It takes place in the winter, at a cabin where a family goes to get some ice fishing done, but something has eaten all of the fish.  While on the lake, they run into a rowdy father/son duo and then get caught up in the shenanigans of trying to catch a mysterious creature that lurks below the surface.  Eventually it turns into a 'horror', but not one that scares the viewer or even one that is crappy enough to make one laugh.  The only really good moment of B-movie status is when our group of ice fishers are looking out into the darkness on the lake at night when they get attacked by a Halloween costume.  For anyone who has seen an old swamp monster movie where the monster is obviously a person wearing a wet suit, there will be some joy and delight in seeing a modern day attempt at doing the same thing.  It is not pulled off well, and you may bust a jolly gut as your mind tries to grasp exactly what you just saw.

The movie is more than a bit of a waste of time.  It will possibly bore you, and possibly tucker you right out.  It is a forgettable movie that falls between the lines of being quality entertaining, and being goofy entertaining.  I say, don't see it.  In the end, the monster was fended off by a good old appeal to emotion as the mother of the family reasoned with the neoprene beast.  Who would have ever thought that rhetoric could defeat a viscous monster?

I apologize if there are a lot of grammar errors and spelling errors.  I think my proof reader is watching The Big Bang Theory right now, and I won't be awake for much longer.

Rating - 1 star