REVIEW: Stealth

Well, judging by the movie's title you would be quick to think that the film is about aircraft that can avoid detection.  Technically that would be correct, but in truth these are merely planes that hide from radar when it serves the script.  It is mere minutes into the movie that missiles lock onto these futuristic planes because it wouldn't be very exciting if they just flew around and nobody saw them.  It happens more than once, and the fact that the title and logic of the film lies to the audience so soon is a statement for what we will be getting into for the remaining run time.  Heck, one plane loses their stealth ability, but remains completely undetected until a really cool scene with a grand entrance could happen.  Explosions!

The plot of this movie is that it's the near future, and the United States navy has these super awesome jets that I guess are supposed to be stealthy.  We have three high flying pilots set to push the limits in these miracles of engineering.  There's Lt. Ben Gannon (Josh Lucas), Lt. Kara Wade (Jessica Biel), and Lt. Henry Purcell (Jamie Foxx).  This movie was right after Foxx caught everyone's attention with his performance in Ray, and he proves here that he can still be magnetic even in some dire crap.

The three pilots and their planes are being stationed on an aircraft carrier (which apparently is seen having three different Navy Registry numbers throughout the film), where they meet up with their mysterious new wingman.  It turns out that the new addition to the group is another stealth fighter that is piloted by a computer (it looks like some kind of metallic June bug with afterburners).  Everyone on the aircraft carrier is stunned by the technology (remember, this is set in the future) when the plane comes in and does a vertical landing.  They are equally blown away when it performs a vertical takeoff the next day.  Apparently they (or the writers and director) were unaware that this technology had been in use since 1967.  Apparently they also think that if you don't want a near sentient super computer to listen in on a conversation you just need to step behind a white bedsheet.  This is when Bed, Bath, and Beyond's contract with the Pentagon made sense to me.

Essentially we have a tired and battle worn story of AI that starts acting on its own.  Self preservation is the name of the game from here on in, and we are treated to lots of shots of planes flying across the screen.  Director Rob Cohen knows well that zooming in on stuff equals tension, and keeping stuff from remaining in the centre of the frame equals adrenaline.  It is a pile on of superficial techniques that are deployed to try and make up for the fact that the script just isn't that exciting.

And neither are the characters, to be honest.  They are far from exciting  While I do still like Jamie Foxx's performance, his character was a womanizing dick.  Jessica Biel and Josh Lucas were lifeless, and it is sort of an indication of why Biel's career never became what people anticipated, and why Lucas faded from mainstream fare shortly after this film.  Biel's character becomes insanely annoying in what is supposed to be an intense moment as she ejects from her broken plane only to then decide to narrate every single thing that happens to her on the way down to earth.

The fact that this movie calls itself Stealth contrasted with what it shows quickly indicates that the only rules that apply in this universe is that which best serves a plot.  Deep down I am fine with that, but a story has to be entertaining to pull it off.  The second and third John Rambo movies work this way, but they are silly fun (not exactly what Stallone was going for, but this is what we got) and too cool for school.  They move along at a solid pace, and there is always something visceral happening (such as a helicopter playing chicken with a tank for some reason).  If you are going to create a world where logic only exists to create cool scenes, then your scenes do need to be cool and done with energy.  That is lacking here.  It is trying to be super serious while being a rock and roll action flick.  Perhaps the most interesting thing about this movie is that it was sued by Leo Stoller who claimed to own the copyright for the word 'stealth.'

Rating - 1 out of 4 stars

"Talon 2 going down.  I'm punching out.  Urgh.  I've ejected at thirty five thousand feet.  Urgh.  I'm under the plane.  Oh no, here it comes.  Gasp.  There's... there's burning debris everywhere.  It's all over the sky.  Urgh, ugh.  It's... it's gonna catch me.  It's gonna burn up my chute.  I've gotta pop closer to earth.  I gotta... I gotta reset from five thousand feet to two thousand.  Gotta stay ahead of this... stay ahead.  Woughfph.  I'm reading at ten thousand feet, I'm terminal.  Six thousand.  Five thousand.  Four thousand.  Twenty five hundred.  Here we go.  There's burning debris.  It's raining all around me.  Argh.  It got my chute.  I'm hit.  I'm hit.  My chute is on fire.  It is on fire.  Oh god.  I am coming in fast.  I'm coming in way too fast."

REVIEW: Paddington 2

For me, stellar family films always manage to knock something in particular out of the park that stays with me for long after the finale.  With Inside Out it was an amazing artistic concept of the complex emotions of adolescence.  Meanwhile, films like The Lego Movie and Zootopia create unimaginable worlds that I just want to watch over and over to take in the incredible detail spent on what happens in the background.  When it comes to Paddington 2, it is all about charm.  Thinking back over movies that I have seen, I can't instantly recall a more charming movie.  There was indeed a literal smile on my face from the time of the opening credits to the closing credits (whatever you do, do not turn the movie off as soon as the credits begin).  I cannot think of a movie that nails charm better than this wonderfully positive film.

In this film we see Paddington (Ben Whishaw) needing to get a present for his Aunt Lucy's birthday.  A unique pop-up book in an antique shop catches his eye, and he sets about doing whatever he can to earn money to make the purchase.  The book, however, also catches the eye of renowned thespian Buchanan (Hugh Grant) who theives the book and lets Paddington take the fall.  Yes, that's right.  The adorable bear is heading to prison.  You see, this isn't an ordinary pop-up book.  It is full of clues that lead to a grand treasure.

Paddington has a way of causing mild catastrophes around him whenever he attempts to do something.  This means that it is not long before his antics get him in the bad books of all the prisoners.  But, Paddington is all about that charm that was mentioned in the first paragraph.  He is befriended by the nefarious Knuckles McGinty (Brendan Gleeson), and soon the entire prison is a much nicer place as the influence of Paddington seeps its way throughout.  While all of this is happening, the Brown family, who he lives with, are trying to clear his name.

The script for this movie is one of the kindest pieces of work that could be found.  It is such a good natured ride, and, while it does dip into sadness a few times, it never betrays the positive.  In a movie about a human-like bear in a red hat it would be easy for the actors to play as though they are just in another family movie.  We have Mary (Sally Hawkins) and Henry Brown (Hugh Bonneville) as the parents, and these are two serious powerhouses of acting.  Hawkins is just coming off an Oscar nomination for The Shape of Water, and Bonneville was the man of the manor in Downton Abbey.  These two, along with every single actor in the film, throw themselves into the roles.  The way they are acting, Paddington is real.  It is this that really sells the film, as the actors are so invested in treating this properly that we forget that Paddington is nothing but computer imaging.  Director Paul King makes sure that these aren't people showing up to get paid, but people who legitimately seem to care about making one heck of a film.  

Bringing the bear to life is done by some really great special effects.  These aren't necessarily the kind that are pushing the boundaries and are going to be nominated for an Oscar.  They do something better than some of the crispest images found in a Michael Bay movie.  They capture emotions.  We gain so much insight into Paddington's emotions through technical subtleties in his face, as well as in his overall body posture.  There is one scene of Paddington with his shoulders drooping that really hits home.  The people working on these effects deserve a lot of credit for what they have done.

This may not be the deepest, thought provoking family movie out there, but the fact that it does what it does so well is reason enough for this movie to be held in company with some of the best films out there.  Paddington and his shenanigans is like the Three Stooges were crossed with a happy-go-lucky unicorn that speaks bird songs and farts cotton candy, while being raised by Mr. Dressup in a Wes Anderson story.  Children will fall in love with Paddington, and the true sincerity of the film should be kryptonite for adults, yanking them back to their wonder years.  There is great laughter to be had, a caper, and a character named Knuckles McGinty, played by the ever great Brendan Gleeson.  Regardless of your age, this is a recommendation that you should check out.

Rating - 4 out of 4 stars

REVIEW: Deep Blue Sea 2

It was 1999, and things were going to get crazy.  December 31st was going to be the last day of modern society, as computers (which we can accept as being able to complete complex math equations) were feared to be unable to change the date on their calendars.  Planes were going to fall out of the sky and humankind was going to break down into feral gangs on motorcycles fighting over the remaining fuel.  And canned food.  We were going to be fighting over lentils.  To the chagrin of preppers everywhere the end wasn't nigh, and everything carried on as normal.  We weren't in danger.  Or were we?

Earlier in the year, on July 28th, Deep Blue Sea came into theatres, bringing sharks.  They weren't just killer sharks, but they were intelligent sharks.  With it came one of the best on screen deaths ever, and one that I am happy to have seen in theatre.  It wasn't the biggest hit, but it fared well in the box office.  It is the kind of movie that lives comfortably in the memories of fans of Hollywood camp and fun.  I mean, goodness... it finished with a song where LL Cool J claimed that his head was like a shark's fin.  Surprisingly it took nineteen years for someone to usher in a sequel.

Deep Blue Sea 2 starts off in a way that should be an indication to genre fans that this is going to be a silly ride.  It begins with, of course, poachers hunting for shark fins.  Poachers in creature features getting killed is quite common, and I love that director Darin Scott threw that one at us right away.  It doesn't take long for sharks to appear (using the exact same 'flying V' approach that Emilio Estevez taught to The Mighty Ducks,big shoutout to coach Bombay!) and ram into the boat.  Obviously the poachers are for some reason standing on the edge of the boat and, once again obviously, fall into the water only to surface thirty feet away from the boat.  Well, you can guess what happens next.

There are many ways in which this sequel throws back to the original.  Instead of professional shark wrangler Thomas Jane, we have the ruggedly good looking Rob Mayes doing essentially the same thing.  The difference?  Mayes has a phenomenal screen name, in playing Trent Slater.  Shark researcher Misty Calhoun (another great screen name), played by Danielle Savre enters the picture for reasons such as 'because.'  And there we have our obvious leads who will survive.

Like the first movie, the sharks in this movie are being used for research, which makes them hella smart.  It also has an underwater complex with many tunnels that only exist to give the actors something to wade through when it inevitably fills with water.  There is a rich person who is behind it all, and, like a good genre picture, he is also taking these mind enhancing drugs himself.  The problem is that the rich pharmaceutical exec, Carl Durant (Michael Beach) talks to Misty about how he is going to kill the sharks when he is done with the experiment.  Bad move, Durant.  The head shark, Bella (MacBook Pro), is eavesdropping on the conversation.  That's right.  Bad move, indeed.

Bella is knocked out by drugs to be inspected just before things go sideways.  If you have seen the original, the setting that this happens in will instantly bring up memories of shark violence, and there is a scene that plays specifically off of the first attack in Deep Blue Sea.  The other four sharks hatch a scheme where they cut loose the moorings of a boat and then push the boat, ramming it into a stack of fuel barrels that are precariously on the side of the dock for reasons such as 'because.'  Fire!  Electrical problems!  Hull breach!

Where this sequel tries to up itself from the original is that Bella was pregnant and gave birth to hundreds of tiny sharks that swarm like piranhas.  It's a different idea, but this becomes the most boring part of the film.  There is nothing exciting about seeing people running away from these lethal little critters that are represented by bubbles on the surface of the water.  People running away from a shark fin equals fun.  People running from approaching bubbles equals not fun.  Also, these baby sharks can only killt the people in one way, making all of their destruction rather routine.

That aside, this is a fun little movie that cannot be taken seriously.  There are some winks that those familiar with the first film will appreciate.  If you want to see a shark movie that is actually trying to be something that pumps adrenaline, do not watch this.  It is camp, but not as far in that direction as the crazy shark movies that were popular five to eight years ago.

Along side the drab nature of the little sharks there are also some pacing issues.  It's not major, but they are there.  Also, don't expect to see payoff to things that are set up.  Durant takes the magical intelligence formula, which causes him to see images of Cartesian planes and fractions.  At no point does that story point lead to anything at all.

Perhaps I have written more than needed on this film.  Looking at my review, it is more robust than I expected at the beginning.  It is a film that I would recommend to certain movie fans, but tell others to stay away from.  For me, it was an enjoyable ride.  There are this time five sharks over the original's three.  At least I think it was three.  That's one way it tries to be a bigger event.  Another way it attempts to up the ante is in outdoing Samuel L Jackson's death.  It is good, but, like the rest of the movie, it is entertainment that will never be as memorable as the first film.

Rating - 3 out of 4 stars

EDIT: I forgot to mention that the opening title sequence is very much like a James Bond film for some reason.  It has an original song playing while there are shots of a curvy lady swimming up and down.  I'm not completely sure why they did this, but heck, why not in a film like this?